Divya

I watched Divya as she nervously sipped her coffee and constantly kept shaking her foot. I had never seen her like this and couldn't help but wonder why she seemed to be too agitated. She glanced at me and said to me, “ Disha there's a lot going on and I just don't know how to begin narrating the situation to You.” I looked at her and asked her to take her time and that whenever she felt comfortable she could share her dilemma. We both strolled by the pond with each of us holding our takeaway cups of coffee that we bought from the cafeteria next to the entrance of this beautiful park.

Just around the corner of the park I noticed an unoccupied bench. I signalled to Divya suggesting to her that we should occupy the bench, just to relax and admire the pond which was directly opposite us. We comfortably sat on the bench by a tree. The branches of the tree gently swayed and relieved us from the warm evening. The birds chirped around the corner of the pond as they dived into the pond and soaked themselves in the water. As I enjoyed the nearby surroundings, suddenly Divya began to speak. “Disha,” she said, “I am scared.“ And once again she paused, probably trying to collect her thoughts to put them out as words.

I was a bit surprised and wondered what had happened to her and why she looked so disturbed and anxious. I patiently let her compose herself and waited for her to continue. Divya is a writer and the genre she wrote about was always something inspirational and witty. I enjoyed reading some of her work and marvelled on how she brought so much life and love into her stories. As a matter of fact my expectations to read her work began to grow even more.

“I fear failure to deliver and also fear challenges and change” said Divya. I was taken aback by all that she just said. I couldn't contemplate nor fathom her words. I looked at her as tears began to roll down her cheeks. I held her hand and tried to console her and comfort her in the best way possible. I then asked, “Divya, what makes you feel so uncertain? Through your work you have ignited words of wisdom and given courage and hope to innumerable people.”

I continued, “Divya fear of challenges, change and failure will only paralyze your way to move forward. If there is something challenging that comes your way embrace it strong heartedly. A challenge doesn't mean that it will break you but it enables you to think about how to handle the situation without it deterring your confidence.”

“Change is inevitable!” I said to Divya. “Without change one wouldn't know the ability to adapt and to grow. Change can be very dramatic and can also be very subtle at times. We do not have the power to control change but instead what we have is the power to determine how to accept it and take it as it comes knowing that some situations cannot be controlled but instead you'd just have to go with the flow.” So remember that if you face such a situation just be kind especially to yourself because you know that you have tried your best to face it courageously.” Divya continued to look at me pondering over all that I said.

I then asked Divya about why she was scared of failure and she said “I feel that if I fail, people will not approve of me. I also feel that I need to show perfection in everything that I do and I think people get recognition because of the individual's status such as swanky cars, big houses and lots of money.” I could clearly understand where her thoughts were coming from and why she was very anxious.

“Divya, I think I know where the problem is," I said. “You seem to be seeking the approval and validation from people to understand your rate of growth and this is bringing about the lack of confidence that you have.” I said to her, “If you choose to listen and to change yourself for the people you will end up losing your own identity and simply become a people's pleaser and a doormat.” I held her hand and looked her in the eyes and said to her “Divya you are a beautiful person inside out, you do not need to be validated or approved by people. Be comfortable in your own skin!”

Everyone on this planet is an individual. Your essence is pure and by being true to yourself will bring about integrity not only to yourself but with anyone that you meet.

“You can choose to be imperfect and yet be the most perfect person Divya. Often in the pursuit of perfection we set impractical standards for ourselves, feeling distressed, leading to burnouts and finally misleading ourselves by telling ourselves how disappointed we feel after not achieving our goals. To tackle this I feel one needs to be mindful. We need to treasure and cherish where we are now, appreciate our accomplishments and celebrate and recognise our progress.”

We are governed and subjected to society rules. It is believed that if one has the best of best material possession that they must be the happiest people living on earth. I choose to think differently. It is ok to fulfil your needs but it should not lead to a competitive obsession to frustrate yourself over unnecessary competition. Instead, appreciate relationships, make room for your personal growth and embrace new experiences, not forgetting that as you conquer all, that you also don't forget to pay attention to your health and happiness as well.

Divya's eyes lit up as she digested all the wisdom shared with her. She hugged me and thanked me for giving her time and understanding her feelings.

As I got back home I realized that one needs to learn to detach from things which rub our ego. It's important to let go of all the unnecessary weight of baggage which we shoulder. At times a lot of attention is paid to the unnecessary “what ifs” which in itself can be a very daunting experience. Life should be enjoyed after all every experience teaches a lesson.