Your Spiritual Homework

That Person Who REALLY Annoys You Might Be Your Spiritual Homework…

Have you ever met someone and thought… “Oh, I REALLY don't like you”?

Not mildly irritated.

Not “you're not my cup of tea.”

I'm talking full-body, eye-twitching, “please don't let me sit next to this person” energy. 😂

Maybe they interrupt you constantly.

Maybe they always have to be right.

Perhaps they're incredibly loud, incredibly passive-aggressive, always late, forever complaining… or they have that special talent for saying exactly the thing that pushes every single one of your buttons.

And then, just when you think you've escaped them…

There they are again.

At work.

At the school gates.

In your family.

In your friendship group.

At the gym.

Or, because the Universe apparently has a wicked sense of humour…

they're your neighbour. 

But what if that person isn't simply there to annoy you?

What if they're showing you something?

Welcome to one of my favourite spiritual concepts:

Sometimes the person who triggers you the most becomes your spiritual homework. ✨

And before you start thinking I'm suggesting you tolerate toxic behaviour or invite difficult people into your life — absolutely not.

This isn't about putting up with poor behaviour.

It's about becoming curious about your own reaction.

Because sometimes the trigger is where the treasure is hiding.

First things first… what is a “trigger”?

In everyday language, being triggered usually means something someone says or does creates a strong emotional reaction in us.

And sometimes that reaction is completely understandable.

Someone is rude?

You're allowed to think they're rude.

Someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries?

You're allowed to have boundaries.

Someone behaves badly?

You don't have to turn around and say:

“Thank you for this beautiful spiritual lesson.”

But sometimes our reaction is much bigger than the situation itself.

Someone makes a casual comment…

…and suddenly you're furious.

Someone doesn't reply to your message…

…and your mind creates an entire Netflix series about why they don't like you.

Someone gets praised…

…and you immediately feel inadequate.

Someone is confident…

…and you feel irritated.

Someone is needy…

…and you feel completely drained.

Someone constantly tells you what to do…

…and suddenly you're ready to move to another country.

That's when it can get interesting.

Because the reaction may be telling you something about you.

The spiritual mirror

One way of looking at triggers spiritually is through the idea of the mirror.

People can sometimes reflect back to us qualities, wounds, fears or beliefs that we haven't fully acknowledged within ourselves.

And before you panic…

No, this does not mean that everything you dislike about someone secretly exists inside you.

If someone is genuinely unkind, manipulative or disrespectful, you don't need to find that behaviour lurking inside yourself.

Sometimes a bad behaviour is simply… bad behaviour.

But a person might still trigger something within you that is worth exploring.

For example:

Perhaps you really dislike someone who speaks very confidently.

You might think:

"Who does she think she is?"

But underneath the irritation might be a quieter question:

“Why don't I allow myself to take up that much space?”

Ouch.

There's the homework. 😂

Or perhaps someone is incredibly successful and their success annoys you.

"They're so full of themselves."

Maybe.

Or maybe their success is shining a light on something you deeply desire but haven't allowed yourself to pursue.

Suddenly, your irritation becomes information.

And information is powerful.

The Universe has a funny sense of humour

I often think the Universe doesn't always send us lessons wrapped in beautiful crystals and lavender.

Sometimes it sends us…

Gary from Accounts.

You know the type.

The person who presses every button you have.

And perhaps the spiritual lesson isn't:

“You must learn to like Gary.”

Absolutely not.

It might be:

“You need to learn how to hold your boundary with Gary.”

Or:

“Stop needing Gary's approval.”

Or:

“Why are you giving Gary so much power over your mood?”

Or even:

“It's okay to walk away.”

That's an important part of spiritual growth that sometimes gets lost in the fluffy, sparkly side of spirituality.

Healing doesn't mean becoming endlessly tolerant.

Being spiritual doesn't mean being a doormat.

And having a big heart doesn't mean allowing everyone access to it.

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is say:

“No.”

And mean it.

Your trigger might be pointing towards an old wound

Sometimes the person in front of us is simply pressing on something that happened long before they arrived.

Imagine someone constantly criticises you.

You find yourself desperately wanting them to approve of you.

Why?

Perhaps criticism was a big part of your childhood.

Perhaps you learned that being "good" meant receiving approval.

Perhaps somewhere along the way you decided:

“If people aren't happy with me, I've done something wrong.”

So now, when someone criticises you, your nervous system reacts.

The person isn't necessarily creating the wound.

They may simply be touching it.

This is where self-awareness becomes incredibly powerful.

Instead of immediately asking:

“Why are they doing this to me?”

Try asking:

“Why is this affecting me so deeply?”

That question can change everything.

Halloween is the perfect time for a little shadow work

And because we're heading into that wonderfully witchy time of year… 🎃

Halloween and autumn are actually perfect seasons for exploring our shadow side.

Now, shadow work doesn't mean you're secretly evil.

Put the broomstick down. 

The psychological idea of the shadow is broadly associated with the parts of ourselves that we don't fully recognise, accept or integrate.

The parts we may have pushed into the background because they didn't fit the version of ourselves we thought we were supposed to be.

Maybe you're always the nice one.

The helper.

The peacemaker.

The strong one.

The responsible one.

The one who never gets angry.

But perhaps you've buried your anger so deeply that someone else's assertiveness makes you furious.

Maybe you've spent your whole life being accommodating…

…and someone who unapologetically says “No” drives you absolutely mad.

Could it be because they are expressing something you've never allowed yourself to express?

That's where shadow work can become fascinating.

Not:

“What's wrong with me?”

But:

“What part of me have I forgotten?”

The person who annoys you might be showing you your boundary

Here's another possibility.

Sometimes your irritation isn't pointing towards something you need to heal.

It's pointing towards something you need to change.

Perhaps you keep attracting people who take advantage of your kindness.

You get annoyed. You complain. You forgive them.

They do it again. You get annoyed. You forgive them.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

At some point, the spiritual lesson might not be:

“Be more forgiving.”

It might be:

“Stop abandoning yourself.”

That's a big one.

Your boundaries are not punishments.

They are information.

They tell people:

This is what I'm comfortable with.
This is what I'm not comfortable with.
This is where I end and you begin.

And sometimes your spiritual homework is simply learning to honour that.

Not every person is your soul lesson

Let's make this very clear.

I love a bit of mystical thinking, but we also need to keep our feet firmly on the Earth.

Not every horrible relationship is a "karmic connection."

Not every difficult person was "sent by the Universe."

And please don't tell yourself:

"I have to stay in this toxic situation because apparently they're here to teach me something."

Nope.

Sometimes the lesson is:

LEAVE!

Your intuition, common sense and boundaries are spiritual tools too.

If someone repeatedly hurts you, manipulates you or makes you feel unsafe, you don't need to decode their soul contract.

You can step away.

Sometimes the lesson is learning when to walk away.

Try this the next time someone REALLY annoys you

The next time someone presses your buttons, pause before reacting.

Take a breath.

And ask yourself these five questions:

1. What exactly did they do?

Stick to the facts.

Not:

"They always make me feel awful."

What actually happened?

2. What emotion am I feeling?

Anger? Jealousy? Fear? Embarrassment? Insecurity? Disappointment?

3. What does this remind me of?

Have you felt this way before?

Does it connect with an old experience?

4. What is this showing me about myself?

Do you need more confidence? Better boundaries? More self-worth? Permission to speak up? Permission to walk away?

5. What action would honour me?

This is the big one.

Not:

“How can I make them change?”

But:

“What can I do differently?”

Because you can't control another person's behaviour.

You can control your response.

And here's the magical bit…

Sometimes the person who annoys you most becomes one of your greatest teachers.

Not because they were right.

Not because you deserved their behaviour.

Not because you need to forgive everything.

But because they showed you where you still had work to do.

They may have shown you where you were seeking approval.

Where you needed a boundary.

Where you were afraid to speak.

Where you were comparing yourself.

Where you were playing small.

Where you were carrying an old wound.

Or perhaps…

They simply showed you that you have absolutely zero tolerance for people who chew loudly.

And honestly?

That might just be a personality preference.

Your spiritual homework

So the next time someone gets under your skin, before you immediately send that “I can't believe they just said that!” WhatsApp to your best friend…

Pause.

Breathe.

Get curious.

Ask yourself:

“What is this person showing me?”

Maybe they're your mirror.

Maybe they're your boundary lesson.

Maybe they're shining a light on an old wound.

Maybe they're showing you a part of yourself you've been suppressing.

Maybe they're teaching you to stop seeking approval.

Or maybe…

they're just annoying.

And that's okay too.

You don't have to turn every irritating human into a spiritual awakening.

But when you notice that someone has an unusually powerful effect on you, that's worth exploring.

Because sometimes the people who trigger us aren't the ones with the most power.

They're simply the ones who have accidentally found the button.

And your spiritual work?

Is deciding whether you still want that button connected. 

A little Magical Wisdom from me

Your triggers are not here to shame you.

They're invitations.

Invitations to look deeper.

To heal.

To understand yourself.

To strengthen your boundaries.

To reclaim your power.

And occasionally…

to mute Gary from Accounts. 

Because healing can be sacred.

Spirituality can be profound.

But honestly?

Sometimes the most enlightened thing you can do is stop arguing with someone who clearly came to audition for your last nerve. 🎃😂✨

So tell me… who is currently doing your spiritual homework? 👀👇

And please don't tag them.