She, Her, Female, Woman

Published on 4 December 2022 at 14:25


She is seen as a burden from the moment she is born, it is a somber atmosphere, no one jumps for joy to celebrate her birth instead it is a grieving period for the entire family. Lucky me, being the first-born girl child, I did not go through it, they celebrated by saying “Laxmi (Goddess of Wealth) has arrived”. Then arrived my sister and they were like, “second baby don’t worry, next time.” And the third one was never given a chance to be born, she was aborted. Then the fourth one was born, and they cried like “why is God doing this to us?” and finally the fifth girl child was born, and it was like someone had died in the house, the women from our town came to mourn the birth of a life! Little did they know that later on in life these girl children were born to make a difference.

“Mum I want to cut my hair, “I say, and she replies “NOT UNDER MY ROOF! You can do that after you get married!” This is how my early teens were like, constantly wanting to bring out that free spirited soul that I am. We all feared the wrath of my grand mother and dad, and because of religious reasons we are not supposed to cut our hair as that is our identity, it felt like we were following the crowd, and no one really sat me down to explain why we should have long hair.

But something was missing, I wanted to express my individuality, so the rebel in me took the matter in her own hands and cut my hair through the long plait I had, I felt liberated, I felt FREE! The only problem was how was I going to explain it, how did it happen? I stayed in my bedroom for the most part of the morning and once everyone found out, it was time to face the music. My grandmother called me into her room, and she cried for the hair I had cut, yet there was no genuine explanation why we kept long hair. My father was calmer about it, later I found out, in his younger days my father and his cousin went and did the same thing, though my grandfather was not as forgiving towards him.

“Mum, I want to get a tattoo!” I say and she replies, “You can do that when you go to your in-laws house, I am sure they will allow you to be more carefree,” she replies. With this one I waited for a while to happen, and I was single when I got my first tattoo and my obsession with having more body art increased. Each tattoo has had a thought been put into it to have it marked on my body. Again, a representation of my individuality and create my own identity.

Every parent, and their parents, and their parents, each generation has been instilled with a girl should be married by the age of 22. In many families it is a hard and fast rule, so as soon as she becomes a woman, or when she gets her period then let’s start looking for a potential match so she can carry on with the generations to come with the same mindset.  I was 38 when I got married! It’s my life! Isn’t it? I know I was well over my shelf life, beyond expiry date, as a lot of family members put it. So what??? In fact, statistics show late marriages in life tend to work better.

Once a woman is married then the pressure of having children begins to build up. Parents and in-laws want grandchildren again to carry the name forward.   Or because the next- door aunty became a grandmother for the first time when she was only 45 years old. Why does an innocent woman get stuck in the clashes of the egos of other peer pressured individuals? Who wants to bring a child in this shitshow? Certainly not I! 

Today many women are lost as they have fulfilled what the society expects from them. She obeyed all the rules, lived in her maternal home obediently, got married as she was told to, have children, they grow up and no longer need their parents. And here she is left to her own devices, not knowing what to do, scared and vulnerable. Speaking to some of these women is upsetting, hence as an empath I assist these women and bring out the best in them, plant the seeds of self-love, self-care and also help in changing their mindset to go out into the world, rediscover themselves and their potential in finding their true calling and what they are born to do. Every human on this earth plane is here to fulfil their dharma and karma, we are reminded not to just live half a life, but to live it to the max and make the most of it.

by Kiran Kaur

*** Dear Reader,

The Inspire Tales I write about are not for the faint hearted, I write from the depth of my heart and this is my way of expressing myself. And I will under no circumstances apologise for my views.

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