Roll Over

Published on 5 September 2023 at 12:28


We began with sharing a duvet to having separate duvets, the best decision at the time, until my wife would discard hers and roll over and grab mine. Not only did she steal my duvet, but she also snuggled into me leaving a third of the bed empty, she says she leaves that space for an unknown force, I think she refuses to admit that she has a problem to roll over and snuggle.

Then came her anxiety attacks that would keep her, us awake for the best part of the night. She would sit in bed wide awake with the bedside lamp switched on coughing and having trouble breathing. For the first month I comforted her and helped her in every possible way to calm her down and sooth her panic attacks. Until it started taking its toll on me. You see I was not sleeping well, and I was getting moody and angry all the time.

I did not know how to bring up the topic with my wife about the lack of sleep and how do we move forward from this, because every conversation about one another's faults would end up in an argument. One morning I woke up in an empty bed without my wife, confused and panicked, I went looking for her, until I found her sleeping in the guest bedroom. It appears when she had an episode of her anxiety attack, she slowly picked up her things and went into the guest bedroom.

We had a chat about it and agreed to temporarily sleep in separate bedrooms until the anxiety attacks subside. To begin with it was awkward to sleep alone in a massive bed as I was so used to my wife snuggling up to me. But then I began to sleep more comfortably in the bed and each morning I would look into the guest bedroom and see my wife asleep spread like a starfish in the middle of the bed.

Present day and we still sleep in separate bedrooms, we have both become accustomed to sleeping in separate beds that we never discussed to share a bed again. That does not mean that we have a strained relationship and that our marriage is over. In fact, we look forward to seeing each other every morning and discuss how we slept during the night. And we have an intense intimate relationship than we did when we were sharing a bed together.

Looking historically, in the 1850s couples slept in separate beds as well as bedrooms. The Lady of the house would have one wing of the house to herself, and for her needs and the Man of the house would have the other part of the wing to himself and for his needs. This intensified the vitality of their life and marriage.

In some cases, couples that only lived together for the sake of their marriage and children easily adapted to the lifestyle of sleeping in different bedrooms as there was no need to carry on with a façade behind closed doors, however, the couples would show a united front whilst mingling with the society.

Sleeping in separate beds has benefited my wife and I, it brought us closer to one another even more so and we appreciate each other, our friendship has become stronger, we look forward to seeing each other every morning due to a well-rested sleep at night. We stopped bickering about who snores the loudest, and in my case asking my wife who has she left a third of the space in the bed for?

My wife looks even more attractive to me, that I cannot keep my hands off her. The sex has improved, and it is more enjoyable, it does not seem like a chore anymore, our intimacy is more passionate. Having that “Me” time has really put into perspective of what we want and desire in our relationship.

Brian Radcliff

*** Dear Reader,

The topics I write about are not for the faint hearted, I write from the depth of my heart and this is my way of expressing myself. And I will under no circumstances apologise for my views. Thanks Kiran

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